Eat Pussy It’s Organic ;P
Pretty sure Maura Isles has this on a t-shirt in the back of her closet somewhere…
Jane felt her face color as she finally saw what the letters added up to. Scrunching up the t-shirt in her hands she looked around quickly for somewhere to throw it, but Maura’s footsteps were getting too close.
"Jane it can’t take that long to find one of my old shirts. Just grab anything.." Maura made it to the door of the closet, and Jane pursed her lips and tried to look innocent. Maura narrowed her eyes.
"Hmmm?" Jane said. "Nothing."
"You’ve been snooping," Maura said, and her eyes were sparkling with amusement. "You look like you found my vibrator. Honestly Jane, self-stimulation is as healthy as it is common…"
"The benefits to your immune system alone…"
Jane sighed and held up the t-shirt in defeat, anything to stop her friend giving yet another lecture on masturbation. She raised her eyebrows.
"Really, Maura?" she said. "I’m trying to figure out how on earth you got this.’
Maura’s face seemed to turn a brighter shade, but she didn’t pause or hesitate.
"It’s actually not at all accurate," she said. "Organic refers to foodstuffs grown without the use of chemicals and pesticides. And while they are attempting a play on words, based on the fact that female anatomy is of the body, and thus organic, the amount of chemicals we ingest and use on a day to day basis—”
Jane let out a small whine.
"Why do you have to make everything so hard? Are you trying to avoid…" she paused, smiling. "Maura Isles, are you trying to googlemouth your way out of explaining this t-shirt?"
Maura widened her eyes, but didn’t respond.
"You are!" Jane said.
Maura paused and smiled, leaning forward to delicately snatch the t-shirt out of Jane’s grasp. The sudden closeness made Jane a little giddy. Tilting her head to the side, Maura forced Jane to meet her eyes.
"I’ll answer the question if you’re prepared for the answer."
MORE MORE MORE I WANT MORE
Jane swallowed, blinked and saw a knowing smirk spread across Maura’s face. She wasn’t sure she remembered how to breathe.
"This is gonna be one of those…” she let out a breath. “Those boarding school stories with pillow fights, isn’t it?"
Maura gave her a sidelong glance, licking her lips.
Jane pinched the bridge of her nose between her finger and thumb, sure this was going to be the death of her.
"The answer is actually fairly banal," Maura shrugged, twisting the t-shirt’s fabric in her hands.
"That mean you walked into Forever 21 and snatched it up?"
Maura’s mouth quirked, like she was having trouble hiding her amusement.
"This sort of thing isn’t something that caters to their demographic." She gave Jane a calculating look then. "Did you intend to create a double-entendre with your use of the word snatched?”
Jane could only gape. Maura seemed to see this as an opportunity, because she got a gleeful look in her eye.
"Did you know that snatch actually comes from Middle English? Colloquially it also refers to a trap or a snare, which if you think about it…”
"Uh, Maura," Jane said, closing her eyes. "I think I need to lie down."
She walked over to Maura’s bed, not checking if her friend was following, but sensing her shape behind her. Jane stretched out on her back, facing upwards, She felt the bed shift slightly as Maura sat up next to her, almost towering above her like some strange and exotic flower. Jane studied her face for a second.
"Why didn’t you tell me you’d had girlfriends, Maur?"
"It never came up," she squinted. "And wait, what makes you think the shirt came from a girlfriend? It is certainly the kind of off-color gift one could receive in any number of heterosexual scenarios."
Jane let out a laugh, rubbing a hand over her face.
"Ok, well, I’d like to hear these scenarios."
Maura blinked a couple of times, opening her mouth.
"Perhaps if I were at one of those frat parties—"
"Uh huh. No. You had a college girlfriend," Jane said, trying to will Maura to look at her. "Can you say yes without blurting out the history of vaginatarians from the middle ages?"
Maura let out a breath.
"God. See, was that so hard?"
Maura smiled, closing her eyes. Jane frowned.
"What?" She sat up on her elbows. "Maura, why the hell didn’t you tell me? I mean, it’s not like I’d have judged you."
Maura tilted her head, shrugged, didn’t smile.
"It was a joke present." Maura said, giving the t-shirt another once-over before dropping it on the bed. "We only dated for a few months, but she liked to joke that I was absurdly gifted at cunningulis…" she eyed Jane as she said that. Jane tried to make herself nod, but couldn’t. Her mouth may have been slightly open. But it was hard to tell what her face was doing, given that she seemed to have lost all feeling in it. All she could truly be aware of was how fast her heart was beating and how close Maura was to her, on the bed. Maura looked away, staring down at her own lap as she played absently with her hands. Was Maura nervous? Jane sat up, curling her legs beneath her. She took one of Maura’s hands in her own.
“Jane, I…” Maura said softly. Jane leant forward, capturing Maura’s lips with her own. The warmth was sudden, soft, delicate as Maura kissed back, letting out a little mewl of pleasure. Jane’s heart hammered and her hands shook as she cupped Maura’s face. She had to take a breath, and when she pulled back a little she swallowed, taking in the way Maura’s lips curled in a sleepy smile, her eyes closed. When she opened them she looked straight into Jane’s, and Jane felt something inside her melt.
“Um…” she blinked once, letting out a small laugh. She didn’t seem capable of words. Maura didn’t either. She gave Jane an evaluating look that had a little bit of sass to it, like Maura hadn’t expected this. Didn’t know where to catalogue this new fact, this knowledge of Jane’s lips, of Jane’s hands. Of the way Jane’s eyes traveled the length of her body.
"So…" Maura said.
"So…" Jane said. Then she raised an eyebrow. “Wait…” she said. Maura frowned, but Jane stopped her with a raised finger.
“You’re absurdly gifted at what?”
Maura let out a laugh.